I have dreaded this post. There is so much to say, yet I don't want to say it or don't know how.
Kansas, my beloved cat, passed away September 28th. It really is still too painful to talk about, because I get images of him passing in my arms and I tear up.
He was fine the morning of. All was well until I left for a few hours to do some errands in town and to prepare for my baby shower. I returned home and see the block of rat poison, or what was left, in crumbs on the floor. We never put it in our house, these were leftovers from our landlords and we thought we got it all.
Sidenote, he actually got into some before, but we made him throw up and most came up and he was fine. I attempted to do the same thing, hoping it would still work, but nothing. He is a stubborn cat and refused to throw up.
The next 20 min. were spent with him slowly dying, the poison attacking his liver and system and going into convulsions and seizures. By the time I got to the vet (Mind you, we live 25 min. away and I was going about 80) there really wasn't any hope. He had stopped breathing and the vets tried to kickstart his heart, but nothing....
Alright, I'm going to tear up now, but that is one of the hardest thing to experience. A beloved animal dying before you and not even going peacefully but thrashing, crying and overall going out in a painful show. I don't care what anyone says, having them put down is better than dying painfully on their own. At least there is time to prepare or attempt to emotionally.
My baby shower was that night, but I had to cancel it. How could I be happy and excited about the new life inside me when it felt as if I just killed one.
I have never really experienced a loss of a pet before, with myself present anyways (When Sammy, my Greyhound passed, I was 2000 miles away and Adam dealt with putting him down). Firsts are hard and I am still very much grieving. He was the best cat ever and so young (only 4) and I know getting another one, anytime soon, will be hard.
One day we will, but not right now.
Thanks for listening